It's scary being at the shop when people come in to buy you. You never know who is going to take you home and play about inside you. There are lots of creepy people out there but there is one type of person that scares me more than any other - pregnant people.
When pregnant people come in to the shop all of us pools get really scared. We've heard horrific stories and none of us wants to be used as a birthing pool. People who have water births are generally hippies and like to listen to calming music while in labour. They also tend to avoid pain medication which means having to listen to Enya interspersed with some woman wildly screaming "GET THIS EVIL PINEAPPLE OUT OF MY LADY BITS". It's not at all pleasant.
Then the baby arrives and it all just gets ten times worse. As a blow-up pool you have to expect that a child will pee in you but you are certainly not prepared for the range of bodily fluids that come with child birth. Blood, poo and all sorts of icky stuff end up floating about, not to mention some weird alien-looking baby on the end of an umbilical chord. Of course, no one thinks to clean you straight afterwards - they are all too obsessed with the baby. I had a friend who had a placenta floating about in him for two days! That's just plain wrong...
I'm really looking forward to being a normal pool. Best of all I will be taking my place right next to a lemon tree so if you need to pee, pee on that - it helps them grow.
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